Wednesday, July 12, 2006



During one of our seminars, a woman asked a common question. She said, " How do I know if I married the right person ?"

I noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so I said, " It
Depends. Is that your husband?"

In all seriousness, she answered " How do you know?"

Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it's
Weighing on your mind.

Here's the answer.

EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning,you fell in love with
Your spouse. You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked
Their idiosyncrasies.

Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In fact, it was a Completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called "falling" in love... Because it's happening TO YOU.

People in love sometimes say, " I was swept of my feet." Think about the
Imagery of that __expression. It implies that you were just standing
There; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO YOU.

Falling in love is easy. It's a passive and spontaneous experience.

But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria of love fades. It's the
Natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls
Become a bother ( if they come at all), touch is not always welcome ( when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute,
drive you nuts.

The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you
Think about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry
subsequent stage.

At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, " Did I marry
The right person?" And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of
The love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when marriages breakdown. People blame their spouse
for their Unhappiness and look outside their marriage for fulfillment.

Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is
The most obvious. But sometimes people turn to work, church, a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances.

But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage.
It lies within it.

I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else. You

And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later. Because (listen carefully to this):


SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It'll NEVER just happen to you. You can't "find " LASTING love. You have to "make" it
day in and day out. That's why we have the __expression " the labor of love ."
Because it takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it Takes WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work.

Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific
Things you can do ( with or without your spouse ) to succeed with your marriage.

Just as there are physical laws of the universe ( such as gravity), There are also laws for relationships. Just as the right diet and exercise Program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your Relationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It's a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable... You can " make" love.

Love in marriage is indeed a " decision"... Not just a feeling.


farwyna faroque said...

salam along..i think the idea to having an ideal marriage is 'give and take' along won't do, neither do just taking things without giving...

and i definately agree that we should learn to love our spouse, with all his short comings and mistakes, cause that's just who he is..and that's the beauty of our spouse..

nobody's perfect..and so do we..we are not perfect either, are we?

i'm so happy that allah gave me such a loving,caring and understanding man..hope that we will be together, here and after..amin..

wardah said...

I'll pray for u too Angah...ameen. Please pray for me too..and really hope I have a jodoh with 'my man'..ameen!!!